— TheToothfish

These words rang through my mind as I surveyed the inside of Gigi’s Cupcakes. German chocolate brown was the general color scheme, paired with brighter, Nickelodean-esque hues. Everything was so clean and smooth. So bright and cheery. It was Wisteria Lane without the drama. Or the cougars.

Then there were the cupcakes. Resting inside a small, glass showcase were tiers of cupcakes. But not just any cupcakes. Large cupcakes. Cupcakes with so much icing you would have thought the pastry chef was trying to recreate Marge Simpson’s hair. The swirls of icing, layered on another level of icing, were endless.

I took a moment to gather my bearings before deciding on the Banana Cream Pie, a standard cupcake base filled with vanilla pudding and topped with banana cream cheese icing (I think). The lady behind the counter gently placed the lone cupcake inside a large box — the outside of which could have easily passed for a generous wedding gift — and sealed the top with a sticker.

“That’ll be $3.24,” the lady announced. I wondered how much cheaper the cupcake would be without the Neiman Marcus packaging.

Once in my car, I opened the box and then just stared. The cupcake was big, so big there was no way to actually grab it without messing up the icing. Note to self: box isn’t functional.

All sexual innuendos aside, the behemoth was nearly impossible to handle. How could I get both the cake and the two layers of icing in one bite? Second note to self: this cupcake is unnecessarily large, probably even for the most skilled call girls. As far as flavor goes, the cake itself was dense and flavorless. The filling was better and the icing was, as you might can guess, excessive. Not necessarily too sweet, but so much that half of a cupcake was enough for one person.

I consider myself to be a clean eater. I once wore a white shirt to an Italian restaurant just to see how I’d handle spaghetti. Eating this cupcake, though, was messy. It were as if I had gotten into a fight with a baguette. Crumbs were everywhere.

I’ve only had one cupcake from Gigi’s, but from what I’ve tasted and paid, this super-sized sweet factory isn’t offering anything I find myself salivating over. Yeah the store is pretty, the packing is even prettier and the cupcakes look like sculptures, but for $3.24 a pop I could find better investments.